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Post by 'Beav' on Nov 28, 2010 21:50:59 GMT
The biggest trouble causers in this country are the police. Have you seen how many protests they attend?
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Post by headingtonoldboy on Dec 1, 2010 9:52:31 GMT
Tony Blair was out jogging in London and he passed a prostitute in the street. She said "I can give you a good time for £50" TB said "I only have £5 on me" and carried on jogging. This happened for the next 3 days. Tony eventually told Cherie who said that she would go with him the next day. As the two of them jogged past the prostitute, she said "Look what you get for £5"
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Post by wizzard on Dec 3, 2010 17:52:01 GMT
dont like these frosty mornings,scraping the windscreen.This morning had to use my B@Q discount card. Useless,only got 10% of it off
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Post by witneyellow on Dec 4, 2010 8:05:07 GMT
Ricky Ponting - he's turning out to be a stupid joke!
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Post by oxymoron on Dec 5, 2010 16:56:29 GMT
Just back from Greenland, where the highlight of the holiday was a trip to a glacier - it's a shame that there was rubbish strewn all over it.
The tour guide said it was just the tip of the iceberg......
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Post by oufcrealist on Dec 15, 2010 17:08:15 GMT
What have Ashley Peacock and Sam Allardyce got in common?
Neither will be attending the Rovers Christmas do!
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Post by oxymoron on Dec 16, 2010 17:50:23 GMT
I ran into an old flame today.
Singed my eyebrows....
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Post by 'Beav' on Dec 16, 2010 17:56:19 GMT
Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forgot what you went in for. It was only when the shit started going down my leg that I remembered.
I think my son has depression. He cries every time I f**k him
I asked the hot girl at work, "Fancy giving me a blow job?" She said, "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine". I said, "Nah, I'd rather have a blow job". Sickipedia already has a joke about Dale Roberts and John Terry
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Post by Gavin Archery on Jan 13, 2011 13:49:54 GMT
A woman was admitted to hospital today after having phone sex.
Doctors have managed to remove 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and 1 Samsung but no Siemen was found.
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Post by Gavin Archery on Jan 13, 2011 13:51:10 GMT
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The assistant comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The assistant does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry.
"Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.
They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'.
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me"
PART TWO
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.
"Hi Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"
PART THREE
A few minutes after Seamus splats him self Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'.
Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now yous blimmin' hen gliding"
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Post by Gavin Archery on Jan 13, 2011 13:52:00 GMT
A guy applies for a council job. The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the armed services?" Yes" he says "I was in Bosnia, Iraq and Afghanistan" The interviewer says "That will give you extra points towards employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM" The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00 PM. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "
"This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that..."
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Post by Gavin Archery on Jan 13, 2011 14:12:52 GMT
'Doctor, Doctor, I've got a lettuce stuck up my arse.' 'Well from what I can see, that's just the tip of the Iceberg.'
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Post by Gavin Archery on Jan 13, 2011 14:13:24 GMT
A boy asks his Dad 'how do you spell clitoris?'
His Dad responds, 'You should have asked me last night son, I had it on the tip of my tongue.
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