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Post by Maurice Earp on Aug 14, 2010 7:26:37 GMT
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said “its golf balls.”
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked -
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Post by Neverforget on Aug 14, 2010 16:39:17 GMT
My wife said, "I want to f**k a black guy because "apparently" they've all got massive cocks".
I said, "Well, I'd like to f**k your sister because "apparently" I really enjoyed the blow job she gave me at our wedding reception"."
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Post by Neverforget on Aug 14, 2010 16:42:01 GMT
Dear Teenage Girls, If your boyfriend sparkles and refuses to have sex with you, he isn't a vampire. He's gay.
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Post by Neverforget on Aug 14, 2010 16:44:52 GMT
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.Then he quietly explained;"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any f**king Frenchmen to show it to."
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Post by Neverforget on Aug 14, 2010 16:47:33 GMT
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
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Post by spurrettsontour on Aug 14, 2010 20:39:25 GMT
Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar.
It was tense.
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Post by Yellow River on Aug 15, 2010 13:22:38 GMT
I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination." I said, "I haven't got an erection!" She replied, "No, but I have!"
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Post by Maurice Earp on Sept 6, 2010 20:46:09 GMT
This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today. Dear Lions Bay School , God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged.. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for the kindness shown to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to f**k off. Thank you for that opportunity. Sincerely, Edna
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Post by Boilerplate on Sept 6, 2010 20:59:02 GMT
Did you hear about the Irishman who shot an arrow into the air?
He Missed!
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Post by Bampton Beech Boy on Sept 7, 2010 17:55:34 GMT
Manchester United summer ball had an eighties theme. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes turned up in a Sierra and Rooney came in an Escort
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Post by Bampton Beech Boy on Sept 7, 2010 17:57:58 GMT
A bloke approaches a fat girl in a bar and asks if she has a pen. Getting all excited that a man is showing interest in her she giggles and says 'yes I have'. As she reches in to her bag, the man says 'well you best get back in it then before the farmer realises you are missing'.
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Post by Surreal Madrid on Sept 7, 2010 18:56:04 GMT
I'm going out with a couple of anorexics at the moment.
Two Birds.One Stone.
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Post by HKYellow on Sept 8, 2010 2:48:47 GMT
Manchester United summer ball had an eighties theme. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes turned up in a Sierra and Rooney came in an Escort Very good mate! Nice one ;D
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Post by Bampton Beech Boy on Sept 8, 2010 8:11:24 GMT
As you liked that one HKY here's another on the same subject: I remember during the World Cup shouting at the TV screen, 'Rooney you fat c*&t, you couldn't score in a brothel', how stupid do I feel now!? Manchester United summer ball had an eighties theme. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes turned up in a Sierra and Rooney came in an Escort Very good mate! Nice one ;D
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Post by Bampton Beech Boy on Sept 8, 2010 8:13:16 GMT
A singl spelling mistake caused my divorce. I went to Amsterdam and sent a text to my wife.....'Having the most amazing time, wish you were her'
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Post by peterdevo on Sept 8, 2010 10:22:10 GMT
I see Rooney scored away from home last night. First time he has done that in a while. Or can you belive the newspapers?
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Post by HKYellow on Sept 8, 2010 11:12:00 GMT
Yeah, Rooney did well in the box, really let rip, was spraying it around and had a great shot....
Played well last night as well! ;D
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Volehead
Full Member
Build it up in Yellow & Blue!!
Posts: 132
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Post by Volehead on Sept 9, 2010 15:22:26 GMT
A new shampoo for Pikeys was released today.............it's called Go & Wash
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Post by Surreal Madrid on Sept 9, 2010 15:32:14 GMT
Heard about the new shampoo for cockneys?
It costs a pantene...
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Post by peterdevo on Sept 10, 2010 13:17:41 GMT
A friend of mine has gone into bomb making. He has sold quite few prayer mats and prophets have gone through the roof
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