Jokes about being nervous

[Rose Tinted Ostrich]

I am doing a best man speech on Saturday and I was wondering if anyone knew any jokes about being nervous. Ideally one-liners.

"I am so nervous today that.................."?

Fairly clean ones please!

[Behind The Goal]

I know what you're going through.....sorry can't help with the one liners , mine were off the cuff and can't remember them
GOOD LUCK

[yellowwhite]

When you're doing the speach say something along the lines of...

I'm really happy for... Hope they have an amazing time on their honey moon in north wales..

Then people will look and say they're not going there

Then you say.. O, I thought you said you were going to bang her (bangor) for a couple of weeks.

PLEASE DO IT!

[Bampton Beech Boy]

This isn't the first time I've got of a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand today.

The first time I was Best Man, I produced a card for the happy couple, signed by the swindon town team. The groom snatched it off me at the top table & tried to set fire to it with his lighter.

[peterdevo]

I am so nervous I just can't make this speech so I will now hand you over to the brides father while I have another beer

[Behind The Goal]

You want to say one that doesn't sound corny

['Beav']

1. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards." -Benjamin Franklin

2. "Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." -Martin Luther

3. "Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence." -Unknown Author

4. "In order to be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all." -Unknown Author

5. "Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!" -Heinrich Heine




Also use this if you need inspiration - www.thebestmanspeech.com/